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The Sweet Father

Written on April 2, 2011
By catie & alittlebitdarkorange

Sorry to break this pattern of betrayal, but I really need to be faithful just this once. I ate several whoopie pies that were sitting on the church pew yesterday. I stuffed each pie into my gluttonous frothy maw with fervor unmatched. But still, despite the deliciousness, I feel such remorse that Father Wilkinson worked so diligently and religiously. He is so talented and caring and yet I stole his pies. How do I repent?! I took selfishly and I ate shamefully! Today I have plans to find out where he bakes his sweets and give him a frosting-covered smooch.

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What Do You Need?

Written on July 4, 2013
By MEK8889 & Random

It was very long ago. Very long indeed, that a young boy and girl very much like you walked into this story. They were looking for the girl's father. The boy was her long time friend trying to help. What do you need? All you need to do is ask, and everything will come right into your open awaiting arms. It's very hard, very hard indeed to picture what you REALLY need. Most people ask for what they want, but can't get by themselves. Things that are almost impossible, but, nothing is impossible. I hope you don't want a unicorn!

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What Do You Need?

By MEK8889 and Random on July 4, 2013

It was very long ago. Very long indeed, that a young boy and girl very much like you walked into this story. They were looking for the girl's father. The boy was her long time friend trying to help. What do you need? All you need to do is ask, and everything will come right into your open awaiting arms. It's very hard, very hard indeed to picture what you REALLY need. Most people ask for what they want, but can't get by themselves. Things that are almost impossible, but, nothing is impossible. I hope you don't want a unicorn!

Graham's Glasses

By bejiggle and raebee on May 30, 2013

There once was a teeny, spotty blue monster called Graham.
Graham's eyesight was failing. He rushed to the opticians as fast as he could.
When he arrived there he was seen straight away "
You've got to help me" exclaimed graham in a panic.
"What's the problem?" asked the lady.
"My eyesight is fading, everything is blurry!"
Graham said starting to panic. The lady replied " I would love to help you but I'm not an optician I'm a waitress, you have walked into a restaurant"
"Oops!" said graham feeling very embarrassed.
Graham blushed and hurried out to find the right place.

Mary And Paula

By Bella and Belinda on March 18, 2013

"Hello Mary I love your dress today. Maybe I can borrow it some time!"
"I don't think so I bought this with my own money! I would never let you borrow it!" Said Mary
"Oh, I am very sorry, maybe I can buy one myself." Said Paula, who was quite surprised at Mary's manners.
"Oh no! We cannot have the same dress that will look very silly indeed! I shall not tell you where I got it from so you cannot buy the same one!" Said Mary although she was trying very hard not to sound rude.
"I am sorry!"

~Be Yourself!~

By haha and Morgan on March 4, 2013

Some people may say that average is bad. Well, they're very wrong. When is the last time you heard that someone was perfect. Exactly, because no one is. Well, God is. But you're NOT God. Why waste your time on trying to be normal. Different is better. Normal is just boring. "If you're lucky enough to be different, don't ever change." -Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift is very much correct. Some people worry about their popularity. You won't be popular if you aren't for the real you! So, try your best to be you in the future. You won't regret it.

Life

By giftedangels and me on February 24, 2013

On a cold winter day I decided to walk. I came to a path off of the main road and ventured that way. The landscape became rough, sharp rocks and steep hills. I climbed over dead trees and waded through water. I was cold, cut, and bruised. The obstacles became more sparse as I continued forward. I was ready to give up because I was wet and cold. Then out of nowhere came a meadow. Light was streaming down from the heavens and it had the greenest grass with a beautiful creek and sunflowers. I made it through my journey.

Fred's Mistakes

By Emanoodler and Ninihead56 on May 2, 2012

Have you ever wondered how fruits and vegetables communicate? Well, they use the holes in their skin to speak to other foods. Only food can hear them—not humans.

"Let's not get eaten," a juicy, crunchy piece of bacon whines. "I have a family to take care of."

A tomato by the name of Fred laughs. "No one can resist bacon."

Even though bacon is the one most people can't resist, Fred was the only one that needed to worry.

Poor Fred.

I guess you learned your lesson—never pick on someone...you may regret it for a long time.

The Bard And The Giggle Tree

By DanceMuseSick and MisterMuseSick on April 24, 2012

Look at your bare fleshy oatmeal and wonder why the goat still shivers at the top of the mountain. Sometimes trees leave more than rakes and sore back agony. Pleasure hides in her stumpy bark. Woof woof and make me bad.

Please remember your mind is my jelly and today I seek peanut butter company or did you forget the oatmeal already silly?

End later but now drums mingle in cosmic cadence because today we escape. We escape. The battle for today never braves a victor. The aftermath always makes me wonder.

What is the giggle tree looking at now?

Sob Story

By alittlebitdarkorange and catie on November 24, 2011

Thanksgiving happens only when I feel hungry for fat tofurkey and potatoes. "Mmmmm," said my turkey. "I always eat tofurkey for Thanksgiving, and later I feel super sleepy and a dire need for therapy." It flapped its wings and gobbled up the vegetable poultry with gusto, as onlookers cried out desperately in horror. "That's cannibalism! Don't you know that is real turkey?!" The turkey lifted his beak and spat furiously, spraying bits of bird all over the onlookers. "I am tired and depressed. It was more delicious than any dream I've ever imagined." He then wept like the dickens. "Sob."

Disasterous Delight

By jazzles and echonarcissus on August 27, 2011

Wickedly, I thought Roger would bite Mischief, my ferret. Instead he decided to recite a sonnet.

Spontaneously, my owl decided to bake a batch of cupcakes. My kitchen is covered in flour because someone forgot about the fan and Oscar, the elephant, sneezed causing flour to go everywhere.

One looked to Two who was daydreaming about Cloud Hill. Tasty Timbuktu wanted to eat a custard sandwich.

Instead of this small task of eating, the leader of the Egyptians demanded everyone clean a corner of the tomb.

Sadly, noone exepted the challenge. This gave Mildred a heavy heart. To be continued.

Our Last Stand

By catie and alittlebitdarkorange on August 6, 2011

'Watch out for creepers!' I shouted frantically at Bahizdala Jones. She spun wildly around, her long robes whipping dervishly in the morning dew, causing millions of tiny forest creepers to scatter in every direction. Bahizdala swiftly recomposed herself and drew her broadswords, eyes blazing as fiercely as her incarnadine hair. Whenever she looked at me, I felt such fear that we might not survive this maddening ordeal, but I knew the creepers would perish if Bahizdala's powers were utilized to their most extreme capacity. Her arms quivered as she raised both blades, and then with terrifying ferocity she spoke: 'Together.'

The Toy Maker And The Bird.

By nikkiwoller and brettwoller on July 31, 2011

Once upon a horse there was a mule. Odd enough the back of his leg there was a bird of prey named Burt. The bird who ruled Estonia, informed the king that toys were no joke. Thus the king sent the royal toymaker to help. Helga, the royal consort was upset that her toymaker was on his way to the Estonia. This mission was dangerous but the toymaker didnt flinch therefore he saved the toys and the mule. Once this occurred he proclaimed happiness for all Estonians and lived among the mules forever. Helga loved the toymaker and never left.

Hats On Friday

By brendanobrien and Rennie on July 30, 2011

Five black socks in Greenland played a harmonica. Never did socks act so strangely. Everybody stared amazed at this marvel because they hadn't experienced music so extraordinarily beautiful. The sock's missing friend always sends flowers with chocolate and no address. They are bamboozled with grief for their missing mate. Pink hats on Fridays go early from Denmark by plane to Greenland. To everybody who knew this, it was equally strange to let them eat chips on heads. Sock (the first harmonica playing one) found a sock that was disguised as a friend. Disappointment arose when this proved he was yellow!

A Song

By morewhitethanpurple and guess on July 27, 2011

If you were a purple duck, would you say ewwww yuck don't I have the best luck, if you were a purple duck!!!?

If you were an orange cow, would you meow meow meow meow meow I will sing right now, if you were an orange cow!!!?

If you were a green cat with a green hat, would you like *pat* *pat* *pat*, if you were a green cat!!!?

If you were a blue dog would you sit on a log stairing at a little frog, if you were a blue dog!!!?


If you were a 100 word story..... Yes!!!!!!!

Completely Random And Horrible

By Maddy Kerik and Aninomys on July 24, 2011

Once upon a time there was an ice-cream cone and a girl licked it then the scoop of ice cream fell off of it and then a bunch of dogs like 50 or 60 of them came and ate the ice cream that's on the ground and then the girl screamed and now here's a bio of her. She had little red piggy tails and a bunch of red freckles and she's cute and the dogs were really droolly and the girl was 6 years old and she likes watching TV and almost the end now so bye I guess!!!

How Henry Ruined 'Puppies Day'

By catie and alittlebitdarkorange on June 18, 2011

"Spin those suckers around until they go into my secret spot," I mimed towards Henry. 'Puppies Day' usually went like this. Henry remained complacent, gently stroking the nearest basket handle, disregarding the tiny fluffy Dachshund inside. The Dachshund spun itself halfheartedly, and tumbled wumbled away into a bottomless bramble. This caused Henry to vomit enthusiastically, which was honestly the most abhorrent response imaginable. I immediately threw down my secret special spot and stormed out of the fairgrounds, leaving a pile of disheartened Dachshunds behind, whimpering and whining like only abandoned Dachshunds can. This was the worst 'Puppies Day' ever. EVER!

The Sweet Father

By catie and alittlebitdarkorange on April 2, 2011

Sorry to break this pattern of betrayal, but I really need to be faithful just this once. I ate several whoopie pies that were sitting on the church pew yesterday. I stuffed each pie into my gluttonous frothy maw with fervor unmatched. But still, despite the deliciousness, I feel such remorse that Father Wilkinson worked so diligently and religiously. He is so talented and caring and yet I stole his pies. How do I repent?! I took selfishly and I ate shamefully! Today I have plans to find out where he bakes his sweets and give him a frosting-covered smooch.

Bacon Osmosis

By catie and adriane on March 25, 2011

This night is really turning into a lovely evening and I think I'll always remember it fondly, however if you don't believe in reverse osmosis and you never go back to the lodge again I will panic! I love you but you really smell. Go bathe and lotion yourself to death so that you and your sweet sweet bod will be shiny and flacidly ready for me. You better prepare yourself for this cause that is what I want. I think you will need to bang around your basement to wake the osmosis from its sleeping. Bring me home bacon.

Valentine's Massacre

By catie and alittlebitdarkorange on February 18, 2011

Today was Valentine's Day! Naturally, I felt depressed. So I wandered toward Kmart equipped with two peacocks and one donkey named Dolphus IV. My sedan was packed full of fireworks so powerful that I couldn't risk speeding, so instead I chugged along at a grand old speed akin to molasses in molasses. When we finally arrived at Kmart we arranged for our own spectacular entrance. Dolphus IV climbed atop my sedan while cheering like Tarzan. The employees promptly retreated at once and went to hibernate. Peacocks abhor hibernation, so they ignited the fireworks, which cascaded and made glorious midday carnage.

Yield To The Poo Volunteers

By catie and emma on January 11, 2011

This warning sign was too low to see. So she had hit it. That poor yield sign never knew what literally came out. Crap. Lemme call the sheriff and request some donuts. All were gone after we had picked up all the poops. Cleanup was much more intense and dirtier and smellier and complicated than desired. But everything was delightfully gooey in the middle. If Sarah wanted more to collect then she should call the humane society. Thank heavens for all volunteers! But nobody really understands the complicated nature of volunteers and therefore we'll always be stunned by their absence.

Gold Mine

By catie and alia on January 11, 2011

This snow shines like diamonds except for without all the business of mining among the small villages within the African jungles. Do you wonder how those pieces travel from remote jungles into our possession? I imagine the gems miss their humid surroundings when frigid fingers separate them from the womb of maternal Africa. Children miss their parents when they venture off to college much like ducks waddling into a murky pond in Alabama. I was brainstorming methods of duck alchemy because seemingly normal moments are opportunities for golden ducky transformations! Snow-gazing while brainstorming leads to consideration unlike anything else mentioned.

That Last Rat

By bluesprinkles and alittlebitdarkorange on December 19, 2010

It was the wettest boat I had ever stowed away on. It poured down lemonade for 17 weeks and by the time it stopped my pants had the squishiest consistency of moldy bread soaked for 17 weeks in lemonade. Needless to say, my delight in citrus infused items caused me to scream freakishly at the rats when they tried to bite my 'buns'. I finally got off the wettest lemonadiest barge and wrung my pants out on 17 rats, drowning about 16 of them. "What do I taste like now I have lemonadeless nether-regions?" I screamed at that last rat.

Basement Thursdays

By alittlebitdarkorange and catie on February 25, 2010

Thursday is the Friday of Bangladesh. On this day a spectacular event occurs weekly at 9:05 in my basement. You don't want to know how bad it smells afterwards. But during it, lemme tell ya, it is like a beauteous sparkling cylindrical pipe-bomb event. WOW! just thinking about it makes my heart thump and pump double-time. Honestly it's arguably the most popular event in the world. I cordially invite you to join me but make sure you bring an umbrella and a extra pair of pants. It is a matter of life and death. I'm going to prep the piggies.

God Watching Kiss

By apname and fyname on December 3, 2009

There was a time when I was fell apart from mango tree. A boy, who saw me and caught me in his hands. I liked the monkey-face boy so I loved him. Oneday we went to zoo for dating. He looked at me so cutely and touched my leg. But my feelings slapped to his emotions. Therefore, he ran from this unromantic moment. Suddenly, I saw a dog who was trying to kiss his companion. But the God did not want this so he could not able to succeed in his cricket-match. By kicking his wife's head he left.

Do not write thesis papers in bed!

By ziname and nnname on December 2, 2009

You create babies with me when you write your killing funny stories about ugly women who are mostly spinsters well involved with in-vitro mechanism using scientifically donated infected sperms. What? Redesigning agricultural genetics information is critically more interesting than producing babies by petri-dish cell-division, therefore you should change your reproduction-based thinking and pay attention to your role of an uneducated partner. The libido subjective to motionless men cannot please modern women but pleases robotic females without feelings, humanity or romance. Like animals. Like plants. Like me. So do appreciate their infertility that interrupts medical actions accordingly, LATER - forget them - biologically.

A Boy With Scar

By umname and mmname on December 2, 2009

It was the moment when I saw the boy with new scar on his forehead. I became shocked as he was just 10 years old boy and the scar was horriable. I went to him and asked about his injury. At first, he remained silent,but after a while he started to sobbing and said, "My mother throw a plat to me." I asked with surprise, " Why did she do this?" He replied," because I asked for food to eat and there was no food in the home". Then suddenly my mother came and said," your lunch is getting cold."

Samsung and Sony: An Inconceivable Love Story!

By fyname and ssname on December 2, 2009

Once there was an old mobile that didn't have screen. Mr. samsung was the name of that mobile. Ms. sony, pretty young and slim brandnew fallen in love with samsung. Sanmar was their friend who loved Sony. Sanmar wanted to kiss Sony infront of Samsung, but Sanmar didn't want to make sex. Therefore, Sanmar planned to date with Sony so openly that childrenpark became first at choice of dating. On Friday, Samsung took revenge by kissing wildly infront of Sanmar. Sanmar planned to kill after the kissing incident finished. However, Sanmar didn't control his willingness of kissing girls so wildly.

The Busy World

By nsname and psname on December 2, 2009

One day, a dog is giving a baby. She looks for help but no one there is free. So she died. The dog soul flies out of the body to find help for her baby but every soul there is busy. Then she come back and sees her baby dies. She was crying and crying which made her baby crying and crying. The sound is heard to the god but he doesn't come to see who is crying for help because he too is busy. However, the god's wife wants to help the dogs, yet she is giving a baby.

Not in the Caves of Nickeldime

By bluesprinkles and alittlebitdarkorange on November 11, 2009

It boggles my mind that poor Ickbert survived the great balloon explosion of 1993. It was the most explosive balloon explosion of the decade, and Ickbert flew slowly out towards the supernova in a blaze of balloon lust and foolish flailing of limbs. His hair lit on fire when he breezed by the town oil refinery and his fiery locks brushed against a circus elephant that was inexplicably covered in petroleum.

Amazingly, Ickbert's flight trajectory didn't land him in the Caves of Nickeldime where the balloon ended up, but instead in a pit filled with jello and aftershave. How fortunate.

Faux Friend Crow Foe

By catie and alittlebitdarkorange on November 9, 2009

Crows have two methods of dismantling their foes. The first is by far the more gruesome method as in the end, the victim has no kneecaps. The second method is fun, believe me, as in the end the victim has extra kneecaps.

If you are ever given kneecaps from a crow, be on your guard because it means you're probably going to need a pair of kneecaps since the crow will take yours. This is the reason you should always double up on pants. The best mode of defense is eating enough crows to diminish their numbers... But don't. Yuck.

Empty-Bellied Spontaneity

By catie and alittlebitdarkorange on November 7, 2009

Spontaneity should never be initiated after prolonged periods of starvation. The problem with empty-bellied spontaneity is there's simply no room for thoughts when all you can think about is bacon and burgers. This digression leads to blind rage usually followed by a stabbing. This proves the original saying, "A stabbing goes further than a steak."

Poor fools that do not heed this advice will end up in a nuthouse. One such fool actually thought that nuthouses were full of real nuts. Poor guy was sorely, hungrily, and nuttily disappointed.

Maybe we should change the way we handle hungry impulsive fools.